Mr. Bean-bastic.

Megaprops to Diane in Birmingham, AL for forwarding this onto me.

THIS is why I really emulate the man. He's nearly elastic.

Brilliant.

Enjoy.

News Flash: Michael Jackson wants a giant robot..of himself!

Just saw this article on Yahoo News...

Michael Jackson wants Vegas robot
03/27/2007 4:00 PM, Yahoo! Music
Dotmusic

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

The pop legend is currently understood to be living in the city, as he considers making a comeback after 2004's turbulent child sex case.

It has now been claimed that his plans include an elaborate show in Vegas, which would feature the giant Jacko striding around the desert, firing laser beams.

If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital.

It is the centerpiece of an elaborate Jackson-inspired show in Vegas, according to Andre Van Pier, the robot's designer.

Luckman Van Pier, his partner at the company behind the proposal, claims blueprints have been drawn up for the show and seen by the star.

"Michael's looked at the sketches and likes them," he told the New York Daily News.

On the subject of the robot, he continued: "It would be in the desert sands. Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying in would see."

Yes, please. Please build this. God Please!

I want to live in a world where a 50 foot tall, robot of a pedophile roams freely on the open desert, crushing homes and zapping things randomly with his laser vision. It does not occur to me that it might just be a big statue that waves and talks and smiles, with flashing lights. No sir! If this thing is going to be built, it better be built to be mobile and programmed to rampage!

In this world, children on the outskirts of Las Vegas always scan the horizon on the off chance that "El Jackson Gigante Robotico" would come lumbering up to them, with that whole creepy, "I just want to be your friend" look on his face! At night, they would watch out their bedroom windows to see his massive, metal shadows cross over the low-hung fool moon.

In my mind, the robot has broken free of its masters and searches the Nevada desert for some purpose in life. Always longing to be accepted, always shunned by a frightened world that made it. Seeking approval, finding only anger and derision.

Just like the real Michael Jackson.

Only this one is a robot.

And it's 50 feet tall.

And it shoots lasers out of it's fucking eyes.

Just how BIG is 50 feet exactly? Well, that dinosaur to the right is 50 feet tall and that's a kid in the bottom left of the picture. The Michael Robot is going to be THAT FUCKING BIG!

If it's THAT big, it's gotta rampage doesn't it? I mean, why bother building it, otherwise? What's a giant robot of a whacked-out celebrity for, if it doesn't strike fear in the hearts of all who view it.

The article says that it would "shoot laser beams" and be "the first thing that people on planes would see as they come into Vegas." Am I unreasonable to want to hear people on that plane screaming, "Oh God! Oh God! It's Michael Jackson! And he's going to grab us and KILL US ALL!"

I don't think so.
I think I am just voicing the same thing that we all want to see.

Another amazing, mind-numbing, spectacular pop cultural train wreck from the King of Bad Media. He has the money. The Plan. And the Ability to thoroughly fuck this up.

Make it happen, Michael. I believe in you.

Cheers,
Mr.B

The Bears and The Bees.

Last Saturday, at The Belmont Burlesque Review, Paris Green and I performed one of her numbers, called "Honey!"

Tonight, Hendo posted a video of it up on YouTube. I think it's pretty funny. Here's the clip. I've posted my thoughts about it after the clip. I mention some spoilers there, so they really are better read after you've watched the clip.

(Be forewarned that the video might not be work-place safe. There's a girly shaped blob dancing in sexy ways and at the end, you get the idea that she's topless with pasties on. It's not a "sex tape" per se. But if you're the least bit worried about it, view it when you get home.)



Paris Green has designed a really nice, very light, playful number there and the audience really likes it. The thing that I like about it is how it sets the audience up to think "Oh, I get it. She's dressed as a Bee and she eats some honey from her honey pot and that's vaguely vaginal and that's all very sexy and whatnot." And they're lured into that false sense of security and then I make a BIG ENTRANCE and it actually turns into a very silly chase sequence and a tug-o-war of her using her sexuality to get something from the big, dumb man-person. So there's this whole other level to the piece that kicks in half way through the number and I think that's just smart direction. Lead the audience to expect one thing and then give them something else entirely. That's just good theater!

Which just also happens to feature a nice rack too.

So, the piece has a lot of good things going for it.

Hendo posted quite a few videos from that show (one of our tightest, funniest shows in a while) on Youtube. You can view them on his Youtube channel, right here!

Cheers,
Mr.B

A Light Stardusting!

Ask me what movie I am Super Excited to see this year and I will say...

"SPIDERMAN 3! Of course!"

Ask me what other movie I am Super Excited to see and I will tell you about "Stardust". The upcoming adaptation of the Neil Gaiman book. I'm a big fan of Gaiman's. And his books.

Here's how AMAZON.COM describes "Stardust"...

In the sleepy English countryside at the dawn of the Victorian Era, young Tristran Thorn has lost his heart to beautiful Victoria Forester. But Victoria is cold and distant -- as distant, in fact, as the star she and Tristran see fall from the sky on a crisp October evening. For the coveted prize of Victoria's hand, Tristran vows to retrieve the fallen star and deliver it to his beloved. It is an oath that sends the lovelorn swain into a world that is strange beyond imagining, a world populated by evil old witches, deadly clutching trees, and goblin press-gangs -- a world redeemed only by true love.

Reminds me a lot of the first time that I ever saw "The Princess Bride" only with more special effects.

In addition to all of that, the movie boasts Robert Deniro as a Swashbuckling Sky Pirate and Ricky Gervais doing an old-world version of David Brent. (Can Gervais do anything that I don't just inherently love?)

Now then, layer the love story, the adventuring, the cleverness of Gaiman's world with state of the art CGI magic and you've got a fine, fine film there. Just perfect, if you ask me.

Don't believe me?

Perhaps you need to check out the trailer then.
Looks pretty exciting, if you ask me...



The movie opens August 10 of this year.

Cheers,
Mr.B

MONKEY NEWS: Chimpanzee Drives Car! Talks!

Whilst flittering around on the Youtube, waiting for a friend's video to upload, I stumbled across Spuzzlightyear's channel. Spuzz collects and hosts old timey newsreels. Each one is a marvel! Check them all out!

My personal favorite is "Chimpanzee Drives a Chevy" from 1936. Here tis!



Also of interest is the "Chihuahua Hood Ornament"!

I love every one of these things!
I could watch them for hours!

Cheers,
Mr.B

"Clark Street Bridge" by Carl Sandburg

Doing some research for a new, big project, I have recently enjoyed the pleasure of reading some of Carl Sandburg's poetry about Chicago. Despite our temporally different views of the city, we both agree - there's no finer city on Earth.

Here's a reprint of his poem, "Clark Street Bridge." It's short and sweet and a little bit sad. It is, in short, just lovely.

Enjoy.

CLARK STREET BRIDGE

DUST of the feet
And dust of the wheels,
Wagons and people going,
All day feet and wheels.

Now. . .
. . Only stars and mist
A lonely policeman,
Two cabaret dancers,
Stars and mist again,
No more feet or wheels,
No more dust and wagons.

Voices of dollars
And drops of blood
. . . . .
Voices of broken hearts,
. . Voices singing, singing,
. . Silver voices, singing,
Softer than the stars,
Softer than the mist.

More Sarasota Pics!

Just FYI, I've added some pics and descriptions to the Sarasota post.
I mention it in case you're one of those completionists who want to see and read everything.
Now, you can.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Giggity Giggity Goo!

I'm not a super big fan of The Family Guy, but one of the things that I do like on the show are the occasional appearances from neighbor, Glen Quagmire. Some smart young Youtube user has thrown together a "Best of Quagmire" compilation. Here it is!

I particularly liked the bit with Lois's clock.

Enjoy!

Some Pics from Sarasota.(and one short story.)

(NEW PHOTOS OF THE HOUSE ARE ADDED BELOW!)

My grandmother sent me some pics from our vacation in Sarasota last week. I thought you might like to see them. Here they are...


This is the view of the sunset out on the Gulf of Mexico on Sunday evening. Eh, it's a sunset. Seen one. Seen em all.


This is me. I am sunbathing on the pier behind the cabana where we stayed. This was Saturday, the day before I left. I was laying out on a deck chair that was about a foot too short for me, so my feet jutted off the end. I was listening to Garrison Keillor's "Prairie Home Companion" on my ipod and giggling quietly to myself. I was not aware that my grandmother took this picture from the mainland. Behind me, you can see the bay and in the distance, the actual Florida coastline. I mentioned that the property was on a key, didn't I?


This goofy picture is me and my mom, clowning around for the camera. When my grandmother announced that she wanted a picture of us, I leaned in close to her and smiled a big, dumb grin, completely obscuring my mom. She had to literally scramble over me to be visible to the camera. Of course, the picture caught us both with our eyes closed, but what can you do?
Also, looks like somebody got some sun on that pier, eh?


My grandmother (age 75) and my grandfather (age 82) enjoy a stroll on the beach with my mom's dog, Sidney (age 5). Behind them is the Gulf of Mexico. Which was also about fourty feet away from where we were staying.


This picture was taken outside the restaurant where we got breakfast on Sunday morning, before I flew back to Chicago. That's my grandfather and me, standing next to a clown statue. Ringling Brothers is a major presence in Sarasota, sponsoring museums, theaters and public art. The whole town was littered with these clown statues. My grandfather thought this was pretty funny. He called this one "Dick Vitale." (Aside from being a popular sports announcer, Vitale was also one of the owners of this particular restaurant, the Broken Egg. The clown does bear some resemblance to the man. Or so I was told.)

This is the house where we stayed...

In this picture, in addition to the rental cars, you can see the local vegetation and how the whole area was covered in this sand, tiny pebbles and tiny shells. 8 out of 10 visible trees, would all be palms.
Looking at the house, the center area, with the chimney is the bottom part of the "U" formation. That housed the kitchen and the family room. To the right of that, with the slightly lower roof, is the sun room.
The legs of the "U" formation extend to the right, out of the frame of this picture. You'll get a better view of them, below.


This is the courtyard in the center of the house.
Directly ahead is the family room, behind that tiny palm tree.
The doors on the left, all lead to three private bedrooms, each with it's own complete bathroom.
The doors on the right (which are not all that visible) lead to my bedroom and bath and a tiny laundry room.


This is the best view of the house. Obviously taken about twenty feet back from the last one. You can see here how all of the local trees provide cool shade all the way around the house.
This really is the best picture to give you an idea of how the house is laid out.
If you were taking this picture and turned around 180 degrees and walked about ten more feet, you'd be standing at the base of the pier where I sunbathed in the above picture.

The house really was amazing. My mom said that it's currently on the market for 5.9 million. And for the property, the proximity to the gulf and Sarasota Bay, the luxurious quarters and the sturdy construction, I can absolutely see why. I can't wait to go back.

A Celebrity Sighting...
One more thing happened on the island that I probably should mention in this entry.
Four houses down from us, at the end of the key where we stayed, lived Stephen King. The horror novelist. (And film director and screenwriter and pop culture icon.) Apparently, he owns two or three houses and this one was where he stayed when it was cold in Maine. My mom assured me that the security guard mentioned that "Mr.King was definitely in residence" while we were there.
So, we spent any time outside or in the cars, looking for Stephen King. In fact, every time we passed a man, any man, either on the beach or trimming the trees, someone in the van would excitedly yell, "IS THAT HIM? IS THAT STEPHEN KING?" But it never was. Eventually, it turned into a little joke for us. It was like looking for the Loch Ness Monster or the Yeti.
On Monday, the day after I got back to Chicago, my mom called me on my cell phone, very excited.

"You'll never guess who your stepdad just nearly ran over with the van!" she said.

"Stephen King?" I guessed. It was an easy guess to make. I didn't know any other famous people lived on the island.

"Yes! Stephen King! We JUST saw him." In the background I could hear everyone else in the van talking excitedly about it, "We were leaving the island to go to the ballpark and your stepdad was driving the van. He came around the corner and there he was, walking along in shorts and a t-shirt, reading a magazine while he walked. He looked up at us and waved. We waved back and your stepdad said, ' That guy ought to not walk on the road like that. Somebody is liable to hit him, if he's not careful.' We thought about going back and getting our pictures with him, but decided against it. He probably doesn't want to be bothered. It was very exciting."

"Wow. That is pretty neat. Good thing that Mike didn't run him over. You know that he was hit by a van a few years ago, right? It messed him up pretty badly." I said.

"Huh. No. We didn't know that. Well, we missed him this time. I bet if we DID run him over, he would think, 'Oh no. Not again!" she cheerfully offered.

"Yeah. I bet he would think that. Assuming you didn't kill him outright."

"Nope we didn't hit him... this time."

My mom's a funny lady.

Right as RENT.

Home again today. Feeling a little off balance. So, I decided to listen to the "RENT" soundtrack while working on the computer. I haven't listened to it in a while and there was a period of three or four weeks after Christmas when it was ALL that I would listen to.

Hearing these songs again, singing along with the bits that like, has re-centered me. I feel fine. All is good.

Thanks, original RENT cast.
Thanks, Jonathan Larsen.
Thanks, Itunes.

I feel fine.

Cheers,
Mr.B

How I found myself to be an "Expressive Analytical."

So, today I had another interview for an office administration job. (For those of you playing along at home, this was Company #5 that I've interviewed with.) It was with a Chicago-based "holistic chiropractors" office. I met the resident chiropractor and the girl that I would be replacing, if I took the job. (She's engaged to be married and will be leaving soon to live with new husband in Portland, OR.)

The first thing that I noticed was that she sits on a giant exercise ball, with no back to it, in the reception area. And I wondered to myself, "Would I be asked to sit on that thing, too, if I work here?" I wonder if it was her idea or the chief chiropractors way of showing how progressive his office was. His office manager sits on a ball.

Like a trained Russian bear.

I dunno how that is going to work out for me and my demanding butt. My butt demands a proper chair, when sitting. I'm sorry. That's just the way my demanding butt likes it. Got a problem with that? Take it up with my butt.

Not that it matters all that much. I don't think I have a very good chance of getting the job. Dr. Ball-Chair let slip that my LEAP test results didn't indicate that I was a strong candidate for the job. (More on that, below.)

I want to talk briefly about the LEAP aptitude test for a second here. The LEAP aptitude test is a variation on the DISC aptitude test. (A test which was invented by Dr. William Moulton Marston, who also invented Wonder Woman, the polygraph test and was in a polyamorous relationship for most of his adult life.

The general idea of both tests is that all personality types can be placed on a graph divided into four equal parts. Each letter of DISC stands for one of the four archetypes.

* Dominance: People who score high in the intensity of the 'D' styles factor are very active in dealing with problems and challenges, while low D scores are people who want to do more research before committing to a decision. High "D" people are described as demanding, forceful, egocentric, strong willed, driving, determined, ambitious, aggressive, and pioneering. Low D scores describe those who are conservative, low keyed, cooperative, calculating, undemanding, cautious, mild, agreeable, modest and peaceful.

* Influence: People with High I scores influence others through talking and activity and tend to be emotional. They are described as convincing, magnetic, political, enthusiastic, persuasive, warm, demonstrative, trusting, and optimistic. Those with Low I scores influence more by data and facts, and not with feelings. They are described as reflective, factual, calculating, skeptical, logical, suspicious, matter of fact, pessimistic, and critical.

* Steadiness:(Submission in Marston's time): People with High S styles scores want a steady pace, security, and don't like sudden change. Low S intensity scores are those who like change and variety. High S persons are calm, relaxed, patient, possessive, predictable, deliberate, stable, consistent, and tend to be unemotional and poker faced. People with Low S scores are described as restless, demonstrative, impatient, eager, or even impulsive.

* Conscientious: (Compliance in Marston's time): Persons with High C styles adhere to rules, regulations, and structure. They like to do quality work and do it right the first time. High C people are careful, cautious, exacting, neat, systematic, diplomatic, accurate, tactful. Those with Low C scores challenge the rules and want independence and are described as self-willed, stubborn, opinionated, unsystematic, arbitrary, and careless with details.

To get your reading on the DISC test, you are given a 20 different groupings of 4 sentences. You're supposed to rate the sentence that best describes you with a "4" and then the next sentence that slightly less well describes you with a "3" and so on until the sentence that LEAST describes you most of all, is rated a "1". Once you complete the test, your reviewer feeds your numerical ratings into the DISC computer and it assigns a numerical value (up to 50) in one of the 4 categories stated above, based on the sentences that YOU determine describe you best. In this way, you see which category you identify with the most. And which one you have the least skills in.

As one potential employer described it to me, "I can take your test results and remove your name from it and pass it around the office and everyone can tell EXACTLY who it's describing, just by the way that it describes you. It's THAT ACCURATE!" Later, he said, "We're firm believers in the DISC assessment test here. You don't mind taking it, do you?"

The LEAD test that I took today is basically the same test, except the terms are a little different. (At this link, you can see the titles that several of the variations on this test, use.) With the LEAD test, the acronym breaks down to...

Leader = Dominance.

Expresser = Influence.

Dependable = Steadiness.

Analyst = Conscientious.

The explanations for the LEAD test categories are basically the same as the DISC assessment, that I described above.

I have now taken the test twice. The first time, the potentially hiring company never gave me the results of my test. The request to take the test was in my emailbox when I got home from the interview. I emailed them back immediately, thanked them for the interview and promised to return the test as soon as possible. Definitely before they left for the day. Thirty minutes later, I'd labeled 1 - 4 for everything and emailed away the results to them.

Today, I took the LEAD test in less than twenty minutes. I saw the same sorts of comments pop up on both tests.

Now that I've gotten a better understanding for what these two tests assess, I have formed my carefully considered opinion of them.

I don't like them.
Not one little bit.
Employers may have drank the Kool-Aid that these tests best assess an applicants skill sets, but I don't buy it.

First off, there's data that suggests that these types of psychometric tests aren't reliable at all. Look at this quote about the reliability of the Myers-Briggs Test. (Myers-Briggs is another, more highly detailed, psychometric test.)

The reliability of the test has been interpreted as being low, with test takers who retake the test often being assigned a different type. According to surveys performed by the proponents of Myers-Briggs, the highest percentage of people fell into the same category on the second test is only 47%. Furthermore, a wide range of 39% - 76% of those tested fall into different types upon retesting weeks or years later, and many people's types also found to vary according to the time of the day.

So, whether I've had my coffee in the morning can throw my test? That doesn't sound very reliable to me.

I also have a problem how these tests are reviewed.

When an employer submits the answers to the testing website, the results are printed out in a column of numbers indicating what value I assigned each sentence, with no copy of the sentence listed next to it! Below that, a numerical value is placed in each one of my L or E or A or D categories.

The guy who tested me today, showed me the test result. I scored a 56 in Expressiveness. A 53 in Analytical. A 53 in Dependable. And a 38 in Leadership.

Before he showed me the results, he said, "Well, it looks like you're an Expressive Analytical! I have to tell you, I'm looking more for a Dependable Leader to fill this job opening today."

I said, "Huh. That's interesting. Do you mind if I ask what my values are?"

He read them off to me. And I said, "You know what I find interesting? That there isn't a HUGE gap between any of those values. Between my highest score and my lowest is only an 18 point gap. Which tells me that I'm pretty balanced between all of those aspects."

"Yeah, it does look that way, doesn't it." he said. And he slid my test results, with my resume into his plump file of other resumes and other test results. His mind was made up. I was an Expressive Analytical. He was looking for a Dependable Leader. I clearly wasn't the candidate for him.

Which is frustrating to me.
The employers mindless reliance on the LEAD test result totally skews the interview down a counter-productive path. I can guess from the lack of response from the first person who gave me the test that I came up with similar numbers. Maybe they were looking for a Dependable Leader, too.

But nowhere in those number values, does it account for some critical data that I think is equally important and altogether more telling.

-Nowhere in that data, does it reflect that I filled out both tests quickly and thoroughly, when asked to. Nowhere does it reflect that I did the first test in less than twenty minutes and emailed it back, asap. A very eager and ready potential employee.

-Nowhere in those tests does it actually show you what numbers I assigned to each sentence. And some of those sentences are pretty loony. Here's an example of what four of those sentences might look like.

1. I work diligently when unsupervised.
2. I am well-liked by many people.
3. I see each task through to the end.
4. I have smart ideas that help to refine business practices.

Fuck me! I want to put a "4" next to every one of those sentences. They all describe both who I am and how I want to operate as an employee. But because of the nature of the test, you HAVE TO put a "1" next to one of those, thereby saying, "Doh! I guess I am not very well liked by many people! People just don't like me!" Is that the message you want to communicate to your future employer?

Similarly, let's say that I put a "1" next to "I see each task through to the end." Isn't that the sort of thing the employer wants to know? This potential employee doesn't finish what he starts! That's a fairly important thing to know. And yet, the DISC or LEAD test looks at that rating and says, "Well, he's slightly less than dependable." Which is a million miles away from "I don't get stuff done." The test results don't tell you that though. They're too busy making broad sweeping generalizations about your personality to take a look at the particulars of your actual self-assessment.

Which is, to my way of thinking, counter-intuitive at best. Blindingly stupid, at worst.

And I saw this sort of thing in action today. "Sorry! You're an Expressive Analytical. We need a Dependable Leader. Here's your title. Good Luck getting employed, Mr. Expressive." Meanwhile, the knuckle-dragging Neanderthal in line behind me for an interview, has just strangled a van-load of people to steal their shoes, but because he completed the task thoroughly, he's a Dependable Leader.

Well done, DISC and LEAD testing for putting up yet another obstacle for the modern business world in it's hiring practices. I'm sure you'll weed out us Expressive types and really promote the Leaders to the job that they deserve. That of the $12-an-hour, Office Receptionist.

Expressively Yours,
Mr.B



PS: Now that I know how these tests work and what they grade for, I'm officially cheating, from now on. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to identify the "Leader" responses. The next time I take the test, I'll skew my answers to identify me as a Leader or an Analytical type. That's all they're looking for anyways. Chalk it up to my being more "analytical" about how I take the test and "leading" myself to giving them the answers they want to hear. Take that, Wonder Woman!

Attitude Shift. Course Correction.

I spent some time in Florida this past weekend in this amazing house, on this amazing island, with these amazing beaches, in this amazing weather. The most relaxing and lovely weekend you could possibly ask for. Because my family all went to bed around 9pm, I had a lot of nighttime free to myself. I watched tv. I played poker on my cell phone. I walked down to the dock and sat in a deck chair, looking up at the stars. And the whole time, I thought, "I wish I had someone here to share this with." It was strange to be in such a beautiful place and not to have a human being there with me, as lover and friend, to share the experience.

And so on Saturday night, with the quiet waves lapping at the dock, I flipped through my cell phone directory, looking at all the people I regularly have contact with. I needed to speak with a friendly voice. More specifically, a female voice. I looked at the names of recent girlfriends and lovers and for one reason or another decided against calling each one of them. I would stop and think about each person and think about where they probably were right then and what they probably were doing. I remembered recent conversations with them and replayed the last time that I saw them. And in every case there was something, be it anxiety or a little bit of anger, that kept me from calling them.

In the end, I sent out two text messages to two girls. I never heard back from them.

I quietly put my phone away and looked back up at the stars and the amber glow of the distant city of Sarasota and gave thought to my recent relationships. I picked up each individual relationship and examined them thoroughly. I winced at my own missteps and tried to shrug off the other persons missteps. I kept asking, "How did I end up at this place, with this person? When what I wanted was this other place entirely. And either never got there or got there and lost it." How did that happen?

After considering the whole variety of my recent relationships, I stepped back and considered the actual bigger picture and there is a pattern that I'd like to break Several patterns actually.

I seem to have this habit, this very bad habit, of wasting energy meeting some new woman and instantly sizing her up and considering her as a possible partner. And if I like them, I slavishly follow and support them against overwhelming evidence that it's not going to work out. (In fact, it's arguable that the less likely it is, the more I miss this person.) And if I don't physically like them, I just sort of pass them over and chase after this other person. They're resigned to the category of "just friends" and there isn't a single thing that they can do to change that.

I don't want that anymore. I want to be able to have female friends without adding that pressure to them or to me. I want to meet a girl and get to know them, without any sort of ulterior motive. I want to appreciate these people for who they are and not what they can eventually mean to me. I want to remove that whole way of thinking, entirely, and approach women with a whole different attitude. I want to grow up, a little bit.

I also waste a lot of time and energy thinking about the past. Given that there isn't any way to really think about the future and there's no present activity to focus on now, it makes sense that the past is what I think about. But there's a trap in that. Spend too much time looking back and you get lost in a maze of self-examination. Do that and you're not open or ready or healthy when some wonderful new person comes along. And how can you possibly hope for a lasting, healthy relationship with that wonderful, new person, when so much of your focus is on people who just aren't around anymore. How can the new person compete with the memory of the old people? And why should they?

(And yes, yes, I know, this whole post is about looking back and getting lost in just that sort of behavior. I get that. As long as it leads to some sort of new understanding. I think it does.)

I'm 32 years old. The opportunities that I have open to me are the opportunities that present themselves to a 32 year old man. They're vastly different than the opportunities available to a 25 year old man. Or a 20 year old. Different opportunities demand different procedures. Different behaviors. One must evolve or die.

I've been working so hard lately to find someone, to be with someone, to love and to be loved. I spend so much free time thinking about these people, my recent exes. I need to shake that off. I need to take that whole mindset off and shake my head and clear my thoughts and either look forward or focus on the here and now. Love and Companionship will take care of itself. Thinking about it and Over-analyzing it won't make one bit of difference in actually affecting the outcome. Life is better lived, enjoyed without placing this pressure on myself.

Let's see if I can't waste my time and energy more productively.
Similarly, let's see if I can't just "actually be friends" with girls without placing a whole lot of pressure on myself to impress or attract them as potential partners.
And for God's Sake, let's waste no more time or energy lamenting these otherwise wonderful, but completely unavailable women. There's just no future in that.

This is my new attitude.
Let's see where it takes me.

Cheers,
Mr.B

MOVIETIME!

Ask me what movies I AM GOING to see this week and this is what I will tell you.

This one...

THE HOST

(I'm actually REALLY, REALLY excited about this movie. Did I mention that WETA designed the movie's big, scary, fucking monster? Well, they did!)

And This One...

300

And if 300 gives me the royal ass-kicking that it promises to deliver, then I'll see that motherfucker again, next week, on the IMAX.

I've also been offered a chance to get high next weekend and go see this movie.

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.

If I didn't have a spate of upcoming job interviews that might require me to pee clean, I would consider it. I'll take a pass on both the joint AND the turtles for now. Sounds like a nice Sunday afternoon movie rental. Besides, isn't a cool-ass, CGI Turtles movie, like what, 17 years too late? Do they REALLY expect that movie to do very well?

Cheers all,
Mr.B



(And yes, I KNOW, you nitpicky bastards, that is NOT the poster for the recent ALL CGI Turtles movie, that I posted there. But that came up on a Google search for the new poster and Point #1) It's in French and Point #2) It has Vanilla Ice on there as a Selling Point! Don't you see? I HAD to use that poster. Let's just both know that I meant the new movie and move on from there, okay?)

My Indian Superman.

You've seen the Indian Superman video, haven't you?



Well, now you have.

"Supah! Supah! Supah! Supah-mehn!"

Considerably less interesting is this clip from the Turkish Superman video.



Neither of which actually compares to this Slam-Bang World's Finest trailer! (For a movie that was never actually made.)



You did know that they're making a LIVE ACTION Justice League movie, didn't you?

That's all for now, kiddies!

Cheers,
Mr.B



Bonus Points to anyone who guessed where the title of this blog entry is from.

My Next Halloween Costume.

Farting around on YouTube, I think I've found my next Halloween Costume.

Can you guess what it is? It's hidden somewhere in this clip!



Not sure yet?

Here's a hint! He's one of the two guys in this video clip. The one who is not green, made out of felt and suffering from another guys hand up his ass.



Yep, I think that this Halloween I am going to dress up as Doug Henning, the Famous Magician (From Nearly Fourty Years Ago!) Let's see, I'll need a wig, a big moustache, sparkly, rainbow-colored jumpsuit, and a gentle demeanor that casually explains that "if you've ever had a dream, you've had some magic, because dreams are magic, aren't they?" and other hippy nonsense.



Blammo.
Costume done.

Now, I can relax for the next seven months. I got this one covered!

Cheers all,
Mr.B